Don't Forget Me, But It's Too Late
by Littlebluebook
Summary: Jim has amnesia, and thinks he's Richard Brook. Sebastian is his career. Drabbles from their life.
1. Chapter 1

Jim is not Jim anymore. He is no longer the devil. He is no longer a consulting criminal mastermind.

He is Richard Brook, a man with no past, and a new future. He has no idea who he is, apart from his name, and he has no idea what happened to him, apart from the fact they found a hole in his head.

Amnesia. That's what they tell Sebastian.

And Sebastian is no longer Sebastian, or Sniper 3, or Dick, or Bloody Bastard. He is simply Seb or Sebby. Sometimes he get's called Lovely or Dear. He is no longer a Sniper, he's a carer.

Sometimes he'll wake up with a shout and hear the pad of footsteps on the landing. Then the door will swing open and Richard will creep in looking concerned. He'll sit on the end of the bed and murmur words of comfort. Jim would have scoffed at Sebastian for being soft.

Richard Brook is kind. Sebastian sometimes feels that he can learn to love him. But he is not Jim Moriarty. And he never will be again.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes Sebastian wants to hit him. He wants to punch and scream and kick, because, _god dammit_, Richard Brook is not Jim, and it fucking hurts, ok?

Sometimes he just wants to wrestle Richard to the floor and stand over him and laugh because he never got to do that with Jim, was never the top, was always second best, was always just a friend and never a lover.

He hates the fact that Richard is always flipping smiling, always looking at something was bright inquisitive eyes, always listens, yet he wants Richard to yell at him for living up to his name, for being a moron, for being so soft. He wants the heat and excitement he got from Jim, not the shy looks, the _sorry for being alive_ thing that Richard's got going on.

Sebastian want's Jim, but at the same time he doesn't, and it's so confusing when there's no one to help, and he's thought about going to Molly, _fuck_, he's thought about going to John or even Sherlock, but none of them could every help him.

Because Sebastian Moran is no longer the Second Most Dangerous Man in London. He's Richard Brook's carer and he is so fucking lonely.


	3. Chapter 3

Richard Brook has a crush on Sebastian.

He knows that there is history between them, but he can not remember and he doesn't think Sebastian wants to. He mainly gazes at Sebastian from the other side of the breakfast table and watches him drink coffee. One time he watched Sebastian lick jam off his fingers and had to hold onto the table to steady himself.

Sebastian is everything that Richard loves. He is smart and quick thinking, and he has a special way of looking at you. Richard would do anything for him, because Sebastian is his only friend. Without Sebastian, Richard is a baby.

Richard doesn't know who Jim is. But he knows that Sebastian mumbles his name at night and that a love note from Jim to Sebastian is hidden in Sebastian's coat.

Richard sometimes wants to be Jim so he can have Sebastian.


	4. Chapter 4

Sebastian is asleep on the sofa when Richard walks in. He smiles at him, then hangs up his coat and goes into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea.

On the way he reaches out and touches the radiators to see if there on, and discovers they are ice cold. He glances up at the central heating unit to see it has been turned off.

He sighs, switches it back on, and continues making tea. The kitchen is bitterly cold and he finds himself shivering. Richard wraps his fingers around the kettle to warm them up, wondering if he can convince Sebastian to double-glaze the windows.

The kettle boils and he pours it into the teapot, which, like everything in the kitchen, doesn't match the décor at all, and stands on tiptoes to get the tea bags out of the cupboard. He may have amnesia but he does know how to make a good cup of tea.

Richard carries his cup into the living room and sets it down gently on the table. Sebastian is stretched out like a cat on the sofa and Richard smiles at him. He reaches out to brush Sebastian's hair out of his face, and realises Sebastian, much like the kitchen, is freezing.

"How can you sleep when it's this cold?" He asks Sebastian aloud, not knowing that he has forced Sebastian to sleep on rooftops, the garden and Norway before.

Richard stands up, hops up the stairs to his bedroom, and pulls off the covers. It would be better to take Sebastian's duvet, seeing as Richard now has nowhere to sleep, but Richard's covers are thick things, made for a double bed, not a single.

He lugs them downstairs, taking care not to fall over and give himself another injury. Richard wonders if falling on his head again would regain his memory, but he's not going to take that chance.

He drapes the duvet over Sebastian, arranging it carefully so that he's almost completely covered, and sits down on the sofa. Sebastian rolls over, muttering under his breath and Richard smiles.

And then he realises how much he really does love Sebastian.


	5. Chapter 5

The two of them are sitting on the sofa, television blaring at full volume, when Sebastian realises that Richard is shivering next to him.

"What's the matter?" He asks, turning round.

Richard tucks his feet underneath him and rubs his hand together. "You haven't fixed the flipping heating yet, that's what the matter is."

"I pay the bills for this, you fix it."

"And who cleans the flat? Who changes your sheets? Who cooks? Who washes your underwear?" Richard pokes him in the side with each declaration.

"You wash my underwear?"

Richard blushes, and God Sebastian shouldn't find that attractive, and curls up away from him. "Well who else is going to do it?"

Sebastian suddenly remembers Jim throwing his clothes at him and demanding he wash them and smiles. "Makes a nice change."

"What does?"

"Someone doing something for me. Hey, where's that blanket you put over me when I was asleep on the sofa? Why don't you cover yourself with it?" Sebastian asks.

"It's in the wash." Richard says, like it's obvious.

"Why's it in the wash, it was perfectly fine."

Richard wrinkles his nose. "You'd used it, it was dirty. It needed to be cleaned desperately."

"Are you saying I smell?" Sebastian says jokingly.

Richard smiles and then looks down at his hands. "Maybe."

Sebastian reaches out and pulls Richard closer to him. "Come on, let's warm you up then."

Richard tenses up, so it suddenly feels like Sebastian's holding a plank. "How are you going to warm me up?"

"Body heat. It's proven that it works." Sebastian wraps his arms around Richard's chest and tries tell himself that he's only doing this because Richard's cold, and not because Richard is slightly cute.

"This close together?" Richard asks, but he relaxes and kind of, but not really, snuggles up against Sebastian.

"Only way Richard." Sebastian says with a slight grin

"Fine, I suppose I'll have to put up with you then." Richard smiles and leans back.

They carry on watching television together until Richard falls asleep against Sebastian's chest. Sebastian looks down at him and traces Richard's mouth with his finger.

He can't quite remember what a soft smile like this looked like on Jim's face.


	6. Chapter 6

It is exactly 10:15 on a mid-morning Tuesday when Richard kisses Sebastian. It's not like he's been planning to kiss him for ages or anything, and has never mustered up the courage to do so. It's not like he's stayed up at night worrying. About his life. About Sebastian. About who he is.

He's at the breakfast table again, and _god dammit, _it's always the stupid breakfast table, and they're planning what they're going to do today. They, they, they, it's no longer Seb and I, it's we/they're, Sebastian and himself becoming one person.

Sebastian stands in the doorframe, leaning against it with a cigarette in one hand, the other running anxiously through his hair. "You sure you'll be ok going out?"

Richard smiles and tries to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. "I've handled crowds before Seb."

"I know, but shopping centres are dangerous places. Some woman died there last month. Suicide."

Richard shudders at the word 'suicide' without thinking. He hates the word, the way Sebastian tenses whenever he hears it, because Jim happens to be always fucking there. He still has no clue who Jim is but he can feel Sebastian drawing himself away from Jim, the note in his pocket shoved in the bin.

"Well I'm not going to kill myself am I?" Richard tells him, because he isn't, he isn't Jim who threw himself off a building or something.

Sebastian is quite for a moment and Richard doesn't know exactly what to do. Sebastian's turned a pale kind of colour and is staring intently at a spot on the wall.

"Seb?" Richard asks, standing up and taking a step towards him.

"I'm fine." He says in a not-fine voice, taking a long drag of his cigarette and then stubs it out on the ashtray.

"We don't have to go out if you don't want to." Richard has messed it up and he doesn't know how, biting his lip he stares up into Sebastian's face.

"It's fine Richard." And Sebastian looks down at Richard and it's like all the air was suddenly sucked out of the room, and holy fuck what is Richard doing, going up on tip toes, and Sebastian bends his head down and-

They're kissing, and Richard is screaming internally because Sebastian is good, and he tastes of smoke, dust, and boiling tea in the morning, and Richard feels like a bombs exploded and he's flying in the aftermath.

Sebastian pulls away first but Richard's still on his tiptoes, breathing heavily through his nose and he's smiling, and he's flying, and it's Seb, Seb did this to him, Seb made him feel like this. And Sebastian's smiling, if a little shocked, smiling because of _Richard, _and then he's kissing him again and Richard goes back against the doorframe with a bump, and it's like-

It's like a bullet going through his head.


End file.
